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my eyes are burning out of my head
2004-10-05, 8:46 p.m.


today i hurt myself by cutting hot peppers and while my head was burning i thaut oh yeah...

here's a true-life story for all of you... occurred last night. best told in justin's words:

i am gonna tell you a tale that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins. it all started with kelly needing me to cut a pickled habanero pepper for her sub (these peppers were beyond hotttttt!).the reason being, she was going to be going to bed soon.. and would need to take her contacts out, and if you touch a pepper that hot... it stays on your fingers for hours.. and if you touch your eyes.. or lips... or anything else... it burns like hell. so i gladly cut the pepper..... taste my finger and realize she was correct in that it was one of the hottest things i ever tasted. so, a few minutes go by.... and i decide to go to the bathroom.... (#1) so i do my thing..... and then head back into the kitchen to get my food which was still cooking. kelly comes in.. were talking.. this that and the other. and then it hits. my penis was on fire from when i shook it in the bathroom. i kid you not when i say it was the worst and most aggonizing pain i have ever gone through. it wouldnt stop. then i have an epiphany.. you know how when you have spicy foods... they say drinking milk helps with the burning in your mouth? well...... yes, i got a glass of milk, took my pants off and put my junk in the cup. and it worked. problem is... whenever i took it out of the milk... it still hurt like hell. so..... i created a tool to help myself out. i took a ziploc bag.. cut the zip off of it.... wrapped it around my junk...poured the milk in... and wrapped a hair-thing around a few times. so i was walking around for about 30 minutes with a ziploc bag filled with milk wrapped around my junkiness. it was the lowest point in my life. so i had to share. and i hope your life seems a bit better now. because however bad it gets.... your penis isnt on fire.. and you dont have a bag of milk on your dick.

well kiddies, there's your bedtime story. <3

..... i guess its not so bad for me.

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