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current | archives | profile | email | gbook | notes | host | design war what is it good for okay last entry i reported i havent been depressed. i forgot to knock on wood. its not so much that im depressed as totally drained since about 6 hours after writing that last entry. And so dissasociated that it seems like it has been months when in fact it has only been a few days. my new job is consultant for the air force. no i didnt sell out, no im not blowing people up or furthering the corporatocray. Live from the middle east- its death over the telephone! i maybe wouldnt even call what i feel depression because its not a feeling of worthlessness or anger or anything like i have experienced before. It has nothing to do with me or myself views. A lot of my job is classified, but i can talk about one part- im working on the answer to the question why the hell is the suicide rate for returning soilders up 70%? and what should the airforce do about it? (btw stop fighting wars for fictional reasons isnt an answer, well at least one they will accept) my current state of emotion is the result of having to listen to confessions. GW defines the middle east situation as messy (not enough profits, not enough progress) these men and women tell me about the real mess- the friends, the burning flesh, the kids Tuesday night really broke me. For a while, even after listening to the "fubu" rapes (for US forces by US forces) recounts and the well what do you do when a soldier asks if hes going to die and you know the answer is yes, I could handel what i heard. well i could at least seperate it from myself and pretend it wasnt affecting me. NO LONGER This is a war about oil. This is a war about US imperialism. This is a war in which the leaders sit on their yachts during fourth of july and watch fire works while a young man last year sat in the desert and watched his friends be blown limb from limb. maybe this is about being guilty because this forth of july that man sat with a gun in his mouth. this forth of july i sat on a speedboat waiting to wakeboard. |
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