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well shit, what do you do when hot guys hit on you ?
2004-05-27, 9:03 p.m.

one of those long conempolative entries that isent entertaining in the least.


isnt your fan club big enough?

no antighost one, tis not. and i only say this because people who like me but i dont like them dont count.

maybe its because im superficial and shallow and go only after good looking guys specifically instead of actually evaluating the likely hood of a good match.

so after some deliberation i decided to get a new definition of compatable. actually i got drunk and took one of those sceintific match tests which proclaimed you are attracted to pretty boys.


but there were more specifics. like sex. so this is where it gets iffy because as much as i want sex i go exactly the opposite direction. why i asked myself finally do i do this? its pretty self defeatist.

fear. thats it plain and simple. where as i pretty much do as i please i dont like doing things im not too good at when other people are around. okay thats not true. becuase i do that a lot.

I mean i know im pretty good in bed but thats not saying much. its pretty much like fuck the shit out of them attitude that i aquired from my friend judith which is perfectly fine if your fucking around with people your own age.

but sense my newly aquired "being the shit-dom" im not sure how to go about it. there all these hot hot hot hot late twentys totally my type rockers that see to have a destination in your yes you specifically pants attitude.

that would be okay i guess if it were a one night plan and i was into one night stands. but sense neither apply i just come off looking like a tease which in some ways is even worse.

its like yeah im cool, i take rock photos and make music videos and i think but seriosuly ive lost all ability to make moves.

sometiems just sometimes i wonder is it one of those things that because in my heart i know that i know who i should be with. and if thats it dude, spirituality and all im totally down for the lovin in that way but what up with the casual sex

through it all though im suprised im the happiest ive ever been in my life.

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