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got to keep going
2002-09-20, 8:17 p.m.

its friday night and i dont know waht to do with myself.

im listening to andrew wk and hes telling me you gotta keep up you got to keep going never let down you got to keep going. and something about doing what is tough.

this is the first night in awhile i havent been wasted and maybe thats why i am so depressed this evening. i feel empty and alone and disconnected like a dead astranuat in space.

theres no reason in particular i want to die other than i dont want to live anymore. im thankful for all my blessings and theres nothing really wrong with my life on the outside. in fact it could be worse. i could be in rehab bootcamp again shoveling snow all day, i could be in chile in the late 80s being tortured but instead im sitting in my cozy house debating some of the darker thoughts that cross my mind.

maybe i should listen to andrew wk there and say its tough i got to keep going....

then again now queens of the stone age are telling me nicoteen valium vicodine marajuana excstacy and alcohol .....cocococaine

(sigh) oh ecuador your warm waters are soon going to be here....

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